INTENTIONAL PARENTING 5
INTENTIONAL
PARENTING 5
In my previous blog, I highlighted one of
the foundational stones of intentional parenting. It is Emotional Intelligence,
which in the context of parenting or working with children or minors has been
understood firstly to involve a
combination of competencies that allows the parent, guardian or leader to be
aware of, to understand, and to be in control of their emotions, attitudes and
actions. Secondly, it involves the ability to recognize and understand the
emotions and behavior of children or minors and to use this knowledge to foster
successful parenting and the success of the children or minors. We have
understood our frame for parenting as not just being restricted to the
biological parents or guardians who have children in their custody but everyone
who works directly with children including institutions like Kindergartens,
Schools, and Children Ministries in schools and children homes.
Emotional Intelligence according to the
founding gurus involve Self Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness and
Social Skills. In this blog, we will continue on the Self-Awareness and Self-Management
aspects as they relate to parenting. We talked about what self-awareness,
self-management is, and here we will look at what the greatest giver and
teacher of life prescribed about relationships. I will get extracts from a
module that I compiled entitled, Empowerment for leadership, Success and
Excellence. I believe these concepts apply in any aspect of leadership, success
and excellence including the aspect of parenting. Let us move on, see the best
form of empowerment for parenting from the words of the best teacher, master,
and coach that ever walked on earth in the name of Jesus.
This teaching is popularly known as, the
Sermon on the Mount and the first part, which I would want to zero on, has
found a name. One would think that the title, Beatitudes is the title that Jesus gave to this portion of
teaching. I thank the person who came up with this title, it is precise and to
the point and I will take it on to bring out what I am teaching in this blog. I
have taken the name to simply mean, ‘Be attitudes’, to mean the attitude one is supposed to be for
effective parenting. When we talk of
the beatitudes, we are talking of a crucial key that God has, which is ‘being’
in a world where everyone is focusing on ‘having’ and ‘doing’. Effective parenting starts with becoming and not
having certain things or doing certain things.
The first four beatitudes (Matthew 5: 3-6) shows the attitude
that one is supposed to have towards the superior perceived source of the true
wisdom, in this case for parenting. If you are like me, and the King and
Creator of the universe is your ultimate intelligence then we are talking about
your attitude towards Him. For effective intentional parenting, your attitude
is supposed to be desperation for the Lord’s ideas about parenting in his
eternal Kingdom. Taking them one by one will help us understand this attitude
of being totally dependent on Him for wisdom for Intentional parenting.
Poverty
in spirit
The Master begins by an attitude of
poverty in spirit. The amplified bible brings it out better showing us the
relationship between attitude and happiness by expounding on the result, which
in other versions is summarized by the word ‘blessed’.
Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually
prosperous-- with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation,
regardless of their outward conditions) are the poor in spirit (the humble, who
rate themselves insignificant), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven! [Matthew
5: 3-Ampl.]
If someone is to be successful, happy, to
be envied and spiritually prosperous, as a parent then he or she have to realize
how deprived he/ she is of the right attitude towards parenting. We have to
understand that we have been robbed of the
right way of seeing things and be desperate for this right way. He calls it
poverty in spirit because most of us starts parenting with preconceived ideas
that we have gotten from our parents. We are rich in our own eyes of what we
think parenting is and if we are to learn the best way of doing it, we need to realize
our depravity. The reward of such attitude is the bliss of heavenly family
ideas and the inheritance of kingdom sons and daughters. This is the first
aspect of emotional intelligence, which we have earlier understood as
self-awareness. We need awareness of our depravity, our inner poverty of the
best way and ideas of parenting that
will make us seek for it from the manual of life (bible) and the author of the
manual (God) Himself.
Mourning
The second description of this attitude is
mourning. Mourning differs much from crying for mourning is when one has lost
something special. Crying can be just because of pain or else tears of joy. When
one is in a state of having lost something special like the death of important
people they mourn. In this context, Jesus is encouraging his disciples to
always have the consciousness of our desperate need for the right attitude and
perception from God every time. This attaches us to Him always in search for
his comfort. With Him, we will always see things differently hence always
receive the comfort of different parenting approaches that will wipe away tears
of failed parenting.
Meekness
I always describe meekness as
the attitude that says, “I can do it but God can do it better”. This
acknowledges that in as much as I can figure out a lot about life and parenting
in this context, God has the wisdom of this machine called man for it is He who
designed it. If we are to be successful Intentional parents, we are to forsake
everything that we have learnt about parenting and all the teachings that man
brought about parenting that has no roots in the wisdom of God.
Meekness
in other words, reads the manual to understand even though one has a general
idea and familiarity about the gadget he has acquired.
The Maker has come with the truth about parenting and we have to allow Him to
lead and define it for us. Meekness says,
“You
are not what you know, what you have and what you can do but you are an
unlimited and dimensionless spirit connected to the ultimate intelligence and
wisdom who has made all that is and set in motion the systems that govern
everything.”[Coach Tarie: The Wisdom
Garden]
Hunger
and Thirst
Hunger and thirst are survival instincts
made by God to conscientise us and point us to any area that would need our
attention. The body needs food and water
to function and was designed with an alarm system of appetite, hunger and
thirst to maintain it. In the beatitude, He is describing the blessing of
having an appetite for Righteousness. In this case, righteousness is simply the
right way of doing things. Happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous--
with life-joy and satisfaction are those who are hungry and thirsty for the
right way of parenting.
Have you ever wondered why the treasures
of the earth are always buried in the deep and one has to dig in order to get
them. The treasures in life are for those who are serious and sure that they
need them, so it is with God and His special point view and special way of
parenting.
In closing, Intentional Parenting style is
for those who are desperately seeking it from the Ultimate Wisdom of the Maker.
It takes an attitude of desperation and complete dependence on God to learn
this unique parenting style that has guaranteed success. The script shows the
coming of this wisdom needing a forunner in John the Baptist and describes his
mission saying,
"And
_he_ will go before Him in [the]
spirit and power of Elijah, to turn hearts [fig., inner selves, and throughout book] of fathers to
children, and disobedient [ones]
to the way of thinking of righteous [ones], to make ready a people having
been prepared for the Lord." [Luke 1: 17]
There
is a way of thinking of the righteous and it is the path of Intentional
Parenting. Are you desperate enough to get it? Revelation or insight comes to
us in four different ways; schooling/ study in books, experience, deep
searching or further insight in already revealed truth. It is those who are
desperate for greater truths who will get deeper parenting insights.
It
is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search
things out. [Prov 25:2]
In
my next blog, we will look at the other aspect of emotional intelligence of self-management
as we continue with the other four beatitudes and see the attitudes that we are
supposed to develop in order to master skills of relating with others
especially children or minors.
Coach Tarie-Pastor|Life
-Entrepreneuship- Family Coach|Consultant| Leadership Trainer|
|Speaker|Blogger|Author|Development Practitioner|www.coachtarie.com|coachtarie@ gmail.com|facebook/twitter/ linkedin @
Coach Tarie| +263773 301 267/ +263 712 106 415
